Being Jolly

Merry Christmas!

Perpetual Energy

There was girl whose dream in life was to be made fun of.
She dreamed of being the source of laughter and fun for others.

She worked hard at her craft, but others would try to discourage her saying she could never make it.
And so people constantly made fun of her.

Conflict of a Conflict

Son, accept the facts
This is a table that sits dead in it's track

Father, this world is magic
The table used to be a very different fabric

Son, you will die one day
Become dirt and all you are will vanish away

Father, I am immortal
Death to me appears as an orgasmic portal

Son, play by the rules
This is how things are, think otherwise and you are a fool

Father, I am tomorrow
I am right now, more powerful than yesterday's sorrows

Son, you are selfish
Always stirring your priorities towards what you relish

Father, I am me
Walking the earth in my nature does not make me guilty

Son, I love you my boy
No matter how disillusioned, you are a joy

Father, I am you
To know who I am, with you I must argue

The Asymptote Who Is: The continuing story(ies)

This post picks up from a previous blog entry.

The line known as It continues to learn and teach that everything is One, and that everything is connected. The line known as It is one with reality and reality with It.

It's story didn't have to unfold the way it did.

And upon transcending line-time, even space-time, It eventually ran into a perspective broader yet. This place which exists in It's mind in the form of a metaphor was a view from nowhere. Here, where It now lies in our story, are the paths not taken, and yet to be taken.

What does it mean to It? What does it mean to us? What exactly am I talking about?

What are the paths we choose, what are the paths we could have chosen towards fun... suffering... Love?

Tune in next time for the next time.

Impatient vs Patient Me

Acknowledge what happens to you, what is in front of you. Give it a wink.. and it becomes one with you.

The more things that become one with you, the more you become one, the more you become whole. The good and the bad... not good vs. bad. Good people aren't nessesarily whole people.

-----... wait..

~Don't things get boring?.. after a while.
There's a lot to explore..
~But even then.. eventually right?
You can always stir the pot if you want... or make a new pot within this one... where do you think this one came from?

---------------

~Has Carbonated become my venting ground?
Well what isn't?
~I suppose.. just wish I knew what I'm going through makes sense.
Oh... you're one of those.

---------------

How do I say what I feel.
~You're doing it right now... best you can with what you got.
But others may not feel what I feel.
~Why do they have too? Isn't you being you enough?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

La lalalala la la la ba rum bum bum
~That's better

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahh, here I am
~Tango with the cam
I've been oh so overdosing
~On overdosing
So now I return
~It's how you learn

---------------

If I smile, then I'm happy
~Okay... why is it you hate me?
Hey... it's me!
~Horse before buggy, cause/symptom. Not that one is the cause of the other in a linear sense... one is derived from the other.
You didn't need to say that...
~Hey... it's me!

---------------

~Say something from the heart

I feel my stiffness and hidden quickness in my bones
I'm tired of being tired, of being wired when I'm alone

Haven't I been here before, on this shore of my mind
~Your mind, your mind, always thinking thoughts unkind

:-P
~;-)

I've been blinking and thinking instead of rowing
But now that I remember, that twilight September, again I'm going

It's a jingle jangle, get your tongue tangled, kinda hip hop
It's a bobble wobble, good kinda squabble, a fight you can't believe you fought

Taking aim this time around, forced me to have found the bearings and the sights
~Pull the trigger already, it's not just confetti that you will light

It's 2:10 interwebs... goodnight!

Can't sleep 3:16AM

My words and thoughts have lost meaning
I have lost my rooting and my center

Hairy trouble I have plundered into
Headstrong I became and slow suicide ensued

But truth is, and thus I can find
This time upon returning, different I am

Problems, demons, became gifts and duh lessons
Now my words are informed with heart again

Calmness and center
Being right now

The Boy Who Cried Lake

There once lived a village in a forest next to a Lake. The Lake's water provided for the village and was considered the village's life force. The Lake's water had the power to heal, provide nourishment and growth, as well as the property to cleanse. It was for these reasons that the Lake became an integral part of their way of life.

The Lake and the village were separated, however, by a forest which was constantly changing and where people could easily get lost. The forest reflected what was in a person's heart and made the trek from the village to to the Lake either a challenge or an ease. No villager could follow another villager for too long as they would become separated and the lone villager would have to find his or her own path.

When a villager felt he or she was ready, they would venture in the forest, where they would be tested against themselves, to find the Lake and learn of its ways first hand. Though no one was ever forced to find the Lake, the village depended on those who did.

When and if a villager felt they were ready to find the Lake, they would congregate with others, strengthen bonds and give/recieve support. They would all discuss methods to reach the Lake amongst themselves and the ones who have already found the Lake. The advice they were given was always up for interpretation and in the form of a riddle or parable. No elder ever gave an exact step by step process to find the Lake. You would have to find your own.

This story tells the happenings of a peculiar little boy of the village. He had a lot of Love to give and recieve but fell victim to the inner workings of his own computation. Self victimizing and pitying himself to justify the empty hole of Love that he himself controlled the gate to, he weaved a nightmare of his own perpetuation.

As a child, he took criticism and laughter as hostile, and so as he percieved, it was so. And thus grew his hunger for having to prove and validate himself to others; competition was to be taken seriously with this one. And with those who offended him, he demonized them, seeing that person as a hurtful enemy. Unable to see and acknowledge the good within the ones he demonized, his logic betrayed him and he became hypocrit. Unable to admit he was wrong to those he demonized, his world became smaller and his forgiving gate became locked.

Still he had a good within that would periodically ache inside, so that he might feel. And once and a while he would cultivate this feeling and eventually he realized the importance of the Lake's water by observing the other villager's happenings. Nothing became more important than finding and learning about the Lake, and it became his mission, to prove to his peers, that he was ready and was strong. He wanted to wield what was sacred.

The boy was bright and was an excellent thinker (Something he prided himself with the most), and before he departed, he compiled the advice from others and constructed a theory for finding the Lake. Still driven by spite, he was also driven for the relief of this hostile world. And the forest understood this desire for relief and aided him the best it could. And through much will and mental reinforcement, he approached the Lake, step by step.

It was difficult, and the pain he went through, he kept and made it his trophy. And to validated his trophies, he memorized his method and progress as he searched for the Lake. His mental map of the forest began to take shape.

The forest, infinitely forgiving and understanding, never ceased to offer aid. For the forest understood that the village, its villagers, the Lake and itself were all interconnected, and all nurtures all.

Sure enough, the boy progressed faster than his peers and started to learn the ways of the Lake. Little puddles formed, and glimpses of water would appear and he started to drink from the water and learn of it's workings. Finally, after revelation after revelation, he reached the Lake a different person from when he began. It was much more vast than he thought it would be. Intimidating but to him, felt real.

For those who have reached the Lake, it was a constant effort to return, for the forest changed rapidly. And to those who constantly reach it, are constantly humbled by the Lake's power and the lesson within. Until finally a villager became a master and the forest became a straight path for instant connection and return to the Lake.

The boy's mission in life was to find the Lake and this goal, this end, he did not let go. He did it, and now he was going to return and become recognized by the village. And the village welcomed him home and his peers were eager to hear of his journey, especially the ones who were still unsuccessful at finding the Lake. He proudly bragged of his success and shared his mental map of the forest and his trials. He held himself and his happening above others.

He was indeed a better and more loving happening than before, but he could still not forgive the ones who made his past so miserable. And he would constantly lecture and hold the ones he demonized below him. Soon he began to annoy his peers and so they disregarded his mental map of the forest and started to find their own. And upon finding their own path, his peers began to also find the Lake one by one.

One day he tried to return to the Lake using his mental map, but the forest had changed and he had to adapt. He revised his map and method and after some stumbling, reached the Lake again. Reassured, he returned to the village to hold him above others again. His peers began to reach the Lake as well, but unlike him, went into the waters, and did not use the fact of reaching the Lake the point. Their validation become one with their happening.

Feeling threatened that his peers were catching up to him, he demonized them further. His peers were become beautiful and as he failed to recognize them as equals, he was unable to use the water that his peers returned with.

His map of the forest was becoming more and more useless as the forest changed but still he could not let go of it. Finding the Lake on occasion, it never occured to him to jump in. After some time, finding the Lake outweighed the importance of the Lake itself. And the forest reflected his desire and began to lead him in circles.

He then started lying about the Lake, unable to find it sometimes. He began more than ever to brag and cry Lake. His peers saw through his lies but through growing, became patient with their peer to let him figure it out once again. But unable to see himself as equals with the rest of the village, he demonized the patience as faults within the others. He did not need their pity. He then began to lie to himself.

And as he failed to change his ways, he grew old. He continued to seek validation from the others by brandishing his knowing, but only ended up hurting his peers who were truly interested in sharing. His knowing and happening became seperate and his knowing became unknowing. All the while he kept lying to himself to the point where he was unaware of his lies as lies. And as he feared his fate, so it became.

As his death approached, he began to feel aching and pain from within. The hole of Love ached hard now. Too hard for him to ignore, and too intense for his lies to cover up.

And so he died, and began to cry from all the pain of his life. So much pain poored from his eyes and it did not stop. He cried puddles and soon the water was knee high and rising. Realizing all his faults as more of his body became water, he began to let go and the last of him started to swim. The villagers joined. They moved their village and a new harmony was born. Finally his crying stopped and a new Lake took shape around where he died.

Life continued around this happening.

Taken from Google image search "Lake"

The Asymptote Who Is

There once lived a point who lived on a plane: one of a Cartesian coordinate system. As this point traveled through space and time, it became a line.

This line noticed how it moved and wanted to move through out life with a uniform pattern. It became a formula. x^2+y^2=16.. A circle

Now the line had order and could measure how it "progressed" by the structure that the x and y axes established. It started to break away and explore the vastness of the coordinate system it belonged to, trying itself out as different patterns and formulas.

And as the patterns changed, it, itself remained in the middle, the observer to its own life.
Going up and down, back and forth, it started to ask questions about its own nature.

It's curiosity grew the more it explored. It wanted to know what was beyond. This line-form was especially fast growing, the other lines thought it crazy for asking such questions. But to this line-form, there was no more valid question and quest than to understand what... who it was.

After being exhausted by going back and forth, it decided to get a bigger picture. "I want to approach infinity." Finally it said.

After much growth and will, the line reconfigured itself into an asymptote. It traveled in an upward position... slowly at first.

As time went on, it's progress became easier and each step builded off the last one. It soon became fast rising. The more it learned what was going on, the more it learned about the system and itself.

One day, it shot up a quite a steep angle, it was growing at an exponential rate. It understood the vastness. And though it progressed every day, it was getting used to the extreme slope and it became less and less of a shock every day. Even asymptotes bottom out. A sense of bliss and frustration engulfed him all at once. It would get used to it.

Looking at itself it asked "Where did I come from?" It could not trace it back far enough.. "I must have always been here."

"Where am I going?" It then realized it was up to itself. It became an asymptote, it could decide to be anything else.

"Screw it with the formulas!" "I define myself... I can be undefined if I want to." "I can be a circle if I want, but who I really am is no one!" "I can be the axes themselves if I want to be. Screw it! I want to transcend this system."

And so with practice, it became formless.. formulaless, popping in and out at will. Discovering a z-axis eventually and axes beyond that. It could learn in whatever system it chose. Constantly transcending.

"I want to have friends" it said. "I will go back to Cartesia and find a line-form who is ready." And so it learned and taught about Love, to those who were willing, together transcending imaginary limitations. Everything was Love in the first place. And so it became full circle, but not strictly in a x^2+y^2=16 sense.

This line-form is still with us today. It is drawing the very lines you see, the outline of your computer, the edges of your guitar, the vibrations and colors of life. It is anything you want, you are it and it is you, and if you want to be formless, the very formation, you can.

Quickie(s)/Origami

"Thing(s) that are Eternal can afford to play peekaboo."

"Running away is like pretending you are separate from everything else."

Why can't I let go?
And row row this boat?
Merrily.. gently down the stream..
For life is but a dream.

Stare the unknown until it comes into focus. It's okay to blink though. In fact it's okay to fuck it. Hard.

ORIGAMI
You can fold a piece of paper how every you like
It is still the whole thing
Folds distinguish, they do not truly separate the fabric
You can create a beautiful form out of it
You can create an ulgy crumple out of it
But remember it can all return and become one again
Back to wholeness, potential/possibilities.. back to One
Different folds, different stories
Art of paper folding... art of story telling... making... being

Your problem was made up in the first place. Then so was the solution to counteract it. The real solution is.

Four minute mile: Addendum

2 tanks later

423 miles

Conversation with a bum

Some people look at me and tell me "Chris, one day you are going to have to grow up and get with it." As if my happy go lucky self has never faced any trials or tribulations, unable to accept the facts of life... I know that they are really only projecting their unresolved sorrows onto me.

Great people I meet never complain about their past or try to bring others down to their level. They accept circumstance and find a way to turn frustration into inspiration, and continue to be a positive force in the universe.

I met a great soul last weekend who understood it... who got it... who was just down to be a brother. I use the word bum loosely to describe a person without a home in the four walls and a roof sense.

--------------------------- A short story---------------------------

I was trying to find a parking spot in Brooklyn for my friends' party. There weren't any so I decided to circle around the block and try again. On the way I saw a gas station on the corner and decided to pick up a six pack.

Standing by the door way was a man just hanging out. I approached him and, to break the ice as I walked passed him, asked "They sell beer here right?" already half knowing the answer. But I was trying to be funny so he said of course. Grabbed a six pack of Modelo, and paid. Friendly people were making small talk with me as I finished my transaction.

I walk out and the man I first saw by the doorway was standing next to my car. I knew from before he was friendly and wondered why he was checking out my car. Then I thought about it and realized, who wouldn't be checking out my car? My car doesn't have a back bumper, it's very noticeable to say the least. As I got closer, within speaking range, he made a joke about it.

I laughed and introduced myself. His name was Matumbo. I got a good vibe from him right away and I asked if he would chat and have a beer with me. He said sure, finished the one in his back pocket and took one of mine. He told me just to watch out for cops.

He told me he would fix up my bumper for cheap, but I explained my situation and told him I would only be around for one night. I gave him the only cash I had, two singles, and wished him luck. Then I went to pick up my beer when he warned me of a cop. I became alarmed and he told me to relax.. to show no fear. That is to say, not to have fear in the first place... why be afraid?

The thing that impressed me the most was his demeanor. Always listening, didn't have a motive, only wanted to share... from one human being to another. I felt like we were two stars shining back and forth.

He wanted to wipe my car clean since he didn't have time to fix my bumper. I told him there was no point... my car is already a piece of crap (though I love it). He further pushed it and he started wiping my whole car with a sweat band on my parking break. All the windows, hood, wheels and all, with a little wrist band. He even went dumpster diving to find left over oil to polish my tires. We found a bottle but it was empty. He said you always find things when you don't need them and can't find what you want when you want. I didn't say anything but I thought maybe we shouldn't be attached to what is supposed to happen in the universe... for our script of life can never outmatch the universal script.

This was too much... I walked back into the gas station as he wiped my car. I took out $20 from the ATM to give him. We finished our beers, finished sharing stories, exchanged hugs and wished each other a good life. He said that night that God sent me to him. I said I don't know about that but that I was glad to have met such a soul as his.

I handed him the $20 dollars and he thanked me and started to take of this necklace of his wrist to give me. I refused, it was one of the only other possessions he had besides a crooked bike. But he insisted saying that $20 for simply wiping down my car was not a fair exchange, so I took it.

The necklace Matumbo gave me... I wear it when I feel like it, like everything else.

The story is only significant and beautiful because of all the contrasting encounters I have had lately. People can be unfriendly even when they are materially satisfied. They turn off or put a wall up as soon as you approach with a smile that's too good to be true. Even music can't reach people sometimes, it is up to each individual person.

The theme here is "Get as much as you can while doing as little as possible for it." But I strongly suspect that the acquisition or external and material goods does not make one happy. At best it can only help facilitate and make things easier for certain people. And that the alienation of people in order to acquire money, to quell our own fears of inadequacy only leads to a more ugly world. If that is the world that we choose then so be it... all I want to say is that I believe we can bake the cake and eat it too.

Four-minute mile/God's Alarm Clock

This post has significantly become less kewl ever since I looked up the mpg a 1992 Honda Civic gets.
Which is around 40 miles a gallon... so 400 miles on a 10 gallon tank is pretty standard...

BUT... I didn't know that and so I didn't know it was possible. After owning this car for over 5 years I have never driven 400 miles on a single tank. So my post was going to be about not letting what something on paper... or even history, tell you what is possible.

Here is a better example: The four minute mile.
Once thought impossible, a mile ran in four minutes was never recorded before 1954 and was thought to be physically impossible. Once Roger Bannister clocked under 4 minutes for the first time however... a bunch of people were able to break this barrier... which turns out to be more mental than anything.

We let our minds tell us what we can't do before we do them. This gets awfully tragic when we subconsciously tell ourselves we can't be happy. So we make excuses to cover up our fear of failure... to go after what we really want to go after.

The universe is not a dead mechanical, causal process... says I. It is alive and anything is possible. (You may have to work for it however) Find a new way, find a better way, find the solution to your problem by not letting your monkey mind getting in the way and letting creativity flow.

When you do this... you give permission for others to do the same. Roger Bannister gave plenty of people permission since his exhibition and now others runners since have been faster and more graceful.

Do the same with your life, athletic, academics, art, it's all the same if you really look at it. Be God's alarm clock by waking the people around you up, not by force, but simply letting you true self take command, the Self without fear. Sometimes all we need is permission from the clown.

Road Trip Recap II and/or Wing Chun Poetry II

I no longer wish to keep up to date this blog with all the events that happen to me... to chronicle my growth.  Not only is it impossible time wise, it is impossible words wise.

I just want to say that you are the greatest expert on your own experience, no one else.  
In you are all the answers for all the conflict you encounter, no hanging around with a guru will change anything if you don't take the reigns yourself.

From now on my posts will be more crystalized artwork, whether its a painting, a video, music, or my poetry. The trend has already been going towards this... there will be less posts... but I think they will mean more.

I don't really have a following, I don't even know how many people read this, but I am open to communication, criticism, questions and requests.

Once and a while I will share a story for its own sake. But the only people who need to know the road trips I go on, the events that affect me, or the events that I affect; are the people who are involved. I love my life and it is getting more genuine as time goes on.

I am so thankful, but that's that.. It's far from over.

Here are some pictures though that I just don't know what to do with. And mini poems in between wing chun style/fortune cookie style.

COMMUNITY
Experience is more real than everything.
More true than words, supersedes philosophy, overshadows books, even eclipses itself.
Fortunately and unfortunately, we make up each other's experiences... So...

DIAGNOSIS
Doctor's guess
Friends know
A good one is both

BEACH READS
There's a reason romance novels will continue to sell
Because even an infinite amount cannot substitute what you need

SHOWING OFF
What's wrong with it?
Showing off animated by fear of inadequacy is showing off with an expectation
Showing off animated by love can bring fear of inadequacy in others
Then again, what's wrong with anything?

MASTER BECOMES THE STUDENT
Not a demotion
Simply playing nice, and taking turns
...Simply dancing

MISSING THE MOMENT/INSIDE MOMENT
Missing the beauty of now
Because of concern and worry of later
Like the beauty of someone talking to a fish...

KID SCIENTISTS
The world is filled with wonder
Scientists who remember this have the most fun in life.

BREAKING THE HABIT
You can wear sandals in the rain

MIRROR STARING CONTEST
Thinking about thinking strays you further from center
Thinking about thinking leaves you nothing to think about

IT'S A TRAP!

A great trap is worrying about traps

STANDARDIZED TESTS
Tests that only test themselves

LONGWAY HOME
Shortcuts simply become the path you take
Similarly longcuts become the path you take
Whatever has to be faced will be faced

NEW BEGINNINGS
Anything new is a beginning
The moment right now is always new

UNEXACT SCIENCE
In the accepting of my uncertainty comes my clarity

23RD BIRTHDAY WISH
I hope I get to meet you someday.

Wisdom is Easy

I have not been keeping up the frequency of my posts lately, and that is because I have not felt the need to write or share lately.. at least not on the blog. I continue to try and live and share with love.. it's starting to become effortless... but not without effort.

That's that. One thing that that's always helped me is to keep an open mind... accept uncertainty and that you don't have all the answers and you will be open to experience.

And when I reach a crossroad, I try and let my decision... my action, to be guided by, to be animated by Love and not fear, of being afraid... this requires honesty with yourself. Love is what you want and not derived from the ego.

Wisdom Is

Wisdom must be your own
Quotes can help re-align you
But growth starts from your inner core
Not your intellect

Quotes are a reflection
If you have not walked your own path
The quotes will not reach you
Be your own person

Wisdom stems from experience
Not your IQ
People can give you advice
They cannot give you wisdom

Wisdom is Easy

Just shake that magic 8 ball from within

"I want to live a rich and full life"
Start now, there is no other time to start

"All these obstacles are in my way"
Merely opportunities, lessons, priming, yolking, incubation

Be yourself - this one comes up a lot because it's saying a lot

Once you have wisdom, really have it... then it is a part of you and there is no quote to hold on to.. no words you have to remember or repeat

Aquarium

Special day with a special person with a special baked good.

We talked to fish, an octopus of the most elegant being, a magical kid - a universal traveler, played with the water.

It reminded me how multidimensional life is and how the water is alive... so alive it decided to live on land.

Whenever we invent our oneway hallways for ourselves, we only need to look at the ocean, to look around and stare at your being right in the eyes, to dispell our misery.

Creativity becomes nature as you play and life happens.  I am really glad I reconnected with some old souls.

The painting was done by me and Ginny after the trip in a house we broke into.... sorry "Zen house."

Sorry that the flash made it a bit unclear.

Carbonated

Why is my blog called carbonated?

I actually named it carbonated without extensive knowledge on what the process of carbonation is, and also not knowing it's exact parallels to thermodynamics or systems in general. I only knew that while water is carbonated, it has energy in it, fizzing all about. Random but not random interactions within.. being played out.

I liked the idea that the more you shake, the more energy it releases, but also the quicker that energy is spent. I looked at life and saw that there are some people who lived life at a rapid pace filled with experiences who were always busy with fun. And there there are people who rust away.. people who may live longer (but what does that matter really anyways) constantly consoling themselves to feel better. They need to feel better because they are not really doing what they want to be doing.

After I exhausted the carbonated drinks or their carbonation, they went flat. Bubbles would arise every now and again, but they were definitely not the same. And that's okay. (Honestly the carbonation made it hard for me to drink as smoothly as non carbonated drinks.)

It's okay because... why wouldn't it be. I would find a new drink that had all that unlocked energy. And later on I would find out that there are kits to re carbonate your drinks. Carbonation is done to something not carbonated (obviously) so therefore the statuses of carbonated and flat is a forever interchanging dance.

CARBONATED
The Universe Goes Flat When We Say So

Carbonated because our universe is simply an infinitely more complex, extravagant, exaggeration of this this concept.  The bubbles have much much more variety, properties, freedom.. and the resonance that comes from being an active observer and participate of it all.  Conscious carbonation.

Bubbles that can join, separate, rejoin.  Rocks, trees, animals, sound, light, energy...
We are multi-dimensional creatures, and so are also the bubbles which metaphorically represent us in this post.

When We Say So
Because, the most important property of human bubbles is  choice.  We are conscious, we can learn, ignore, change ,whither, transform, self-modify etc.  And so the status of the whole, carbonated or flat, is left up to each individual human being.  Because the whole is a reflection of each of its parts.

Conscious carbonation happens from within.  Imagine a drink of water spontaneously fizzing, because it decided to, because it could, because it is one with itself and thought it would be fun.

And when it goes flat... we shouldn't fight it like it is something to be avoided or dreaded.  We will embrace it knowing it's the other side, the other half.  And then we will know we are both and that we can do it again if we choose.  Life and Death.

CARBONATED

The Universe Goes Flat When We Say So
And When It Does We Will Rest For A While
Waiting To Fizz Again Knowing It Will Be Better
This Time Than The Last, Learning From The Past

When At Rest, We Reflect And Grow
The Next Time We Fizz, Let's Do Something Different
Let's Make Balls, Bubbles, Planets
Where Other Bubbles Can Learn To Fizz

Next Time Let's Make It Fun
The Bubbles Can Create And Pop
The Bubbles Can Learn To Kiss
The Bubbles Are Free To Do As They Wish

The Universe Goes Flat Every Know And Again
But In Between It's Horny And Exotic As Hell

Ode to People

Some people never change
The same problems pop up for them over and over again

And I love them
I am them

They trip over themselves
And somehow make it to tomorrow

Like some drunken ballet
They rise and spin again

Their pain builds up
And they find new ways to console

Always looking ahead
They forget about the here and now... and now

If they would only stop their tale spin
To stand still and look, really see

They are beautiful
Beautifully perfect

I want to hug them, kiss them
Noogie, wet willy, punch or pinch

"Snap out of it Brother.. Sister."
"I can't watch your game of tale spin any longer."

"Straighten your sails, your wing flaps."
"There are better sights to see then the end of yourself."

But they cannot hear me
As I could not years ago

But watch them and see Love enter their lives
They straighten out their trajectory

And when they are in control
Watch them do a barrel roll, just to show off

They are the dance within the dance
I love them, I Love them

They go on and on, hoping to know the plan
The plan is what got you in this mess in the first place
---
Better to live the plan if there happens to be one
The current does that for us, just let go and set sail

You see, we are the current
For ourselves and each other

Holding on only obstructs and blocks
Let go and fly I tell myself

The wind might crush you, the waters may wear you
But if you hold on for safety, then boredom will whither you
---
Aimlessly my brothers and sisters drag on
And I love them, I Love them

Mindreader or (Growing up into the Nothingness)

I once had a fear people could read my mind
That people out there could see all my thoughts unkind

All my doubts, my judgements, my vision.. my fears
I built walls, drew boundaries.. made my perception unclear

"Get out of my head!" (Though no one was there)
"Stop probing my thoughts!" (Though no one really cared)

Stiffening up in fear (Just like a small child)
I incarcerated myself (Though there was no trial)

I had to beware and keep my thoughts safe
"Don't judge me! I'm not the one to blame!"

The game I was playing with myself was all illusion
There was no blame, right or wrong... My conclusion..

You see, anytime you block or resist
You starve yourself of what really IS

And when you've been starving yourself for too long
You get delirious, weak and forget where you belong

I learned to let go - What's the worst that could happen?
I felt LOVE - In every and from all directions

It turns out that people CAN read your thoughts
Thoughts, mind, body and soul.. we can read a lot

But if you know who you are, then it won't matter
Because you are you, no matter how loud the chatter

So now when I catch someone trying to read who I am
I go "Hey Brother! Don't you have your own life... God Damn!"

Kavacast 8

Forgot to post this... Impromptu podcast with the Carroll brothers. Just a nice fireside chat.

Here it is: Kavacast 8

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Why this is a template for poems?
I have no clue

Wing Chun Poetry

HEROES
Heroes only become mythic legend because the storytellers forgot to fly with them.

TANGENTS
Two or three tangents may intersect each other

DREAMER
If we're all one and everything is connected
Every dream is connected to every other
Then we are dreaming together :)

NATURAL COMEDIAN
Getting the punch line is a realization, a returning to center
Center is balance, balance is natural, comedy is natural and not forced

LAST PICK
When choosing teams, remember the pool from which you separated

DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY
Why keep sickness a secret?
I want everyone to know my disease,
because when everyone knows... THEN I KNOW

COMFORT ZONE HAIKU
Unknown is scary
Repetition familiar
Fuck it, let me jump

BEAUTIFUL, UGLY... no just bl-IS-s
Pain and joy are of the same (one) experience

PROJECTION
A projection is most pronounced when cast upon a blank screen

SCREAM 4...9098766
Why do people choose to go see scary movies?
Why are scary movies the trend and reoccuring
Romantic comedies are corny... but also recoccuring
It's your choice isn't it?
.. why do people choose to be sad?

A DETACHED OBSERVATION
Values used to be detached observations

Old photo of me in New York with my date for the evening.

LAWS AND POPULATION
Laws limit
Laws try and fix what lawmakers could not solve
Laws keep order
Until we grow up
With each other
And the false lines
Dissolve

Holi

This past weekend I played Holi. I'm not Indian but it's an awesome anyways.

Here's a great shot I stole off facebook.

I didn't know what it was until the morning of, here's a link to wiki
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holi


I also celebrated with my friend Saurabh on his surprise birthday party the night before with some great people.. The marathon of Aries birthdays continue.

The Poet

He wanders why?

He looks for truth why?

He expresses why?

Finding bits of truth he calls beauty

A glimpse here, and a glimpse there

He writes it down, it keeps him going

He hums while he walks

He lives when he talks

He becomes the clock

He's not alone, brothers and sisters

Jugglers, painters and musicians

Detached from the worries, they allow for being

The truth, the panoramic, he looks for it

He looks out to the sun, and into the spirit

When he lets go, IT... Is... right now

One with everything, he sees the false being within

He looks, not with fear, not with disgust, simply looks

Twinkle in his eye, he says "OH.."

The glimpses become vision

Beauty reveals itself

The poet becomes the mystic

He wanders why? Because

He looks for truth why? He

He expresses why? Can... Is

Road Trip Recap

"A good traveler has no fixed plan, and is not intent on arriving."- Lao Tzu

Why does a road trip of of 10 or so days have to be different from any other 10 or so days? What you choose to make with each day that is given to you is completely up to you. Maybe you can't control what is thrown at you, but how you handle it will determine... you.

I am starting to count the days.. less by the time, the dates.. and more by the lessons I learn, by the interactions that define my adventure.

That being said...

The road trip from which I am still recovering included trips to
Philadelphia, Pittsburgh in Pennsylvania
Harrisonburg, Richmond in Virginia
Columbia, Myrtle Beach in South Carolina
And finally Charlotte (Matthews) in North Carolina.

I will say that a change in scenery, which includes changes in people, attitudes, atmosphere, conditions, situations, etc.. does facilitate some unpredictable dynamics and helps point out how stupid your life is, if by chance you have become stagnant. Then again, lessons are only learned by one who is open.

But also, at the end, you come back. Instead of wishing I were still on the road though, I came back with more rigor and determination to transform things back at home. I subscribe to the idea that your problems stay with you no matter where you go until you solve them...
I am not a fan of quick fix vacations.

Due to our limited budget, we were a fan of this place... Cheap gas and fast food

So now I am back home, got to spend some quality time with the girl, will have to see if this job works with me (assuming I passed the drug test), cleaning the fast food out of my system, getting back in shape, refocusing on what I really want and so on...

"People say you have to travel to see the world. Sometimes I think that if you just stay in one place and keep you eyes open, you're going to see just about all you can handle." - Paul Auster

My feet...? Yeah!

"The man who is truly good and wise will bear with dignity whatever fortune sends, and will always make the best of his circumstance." - Aristotle

"The use of traveling is to regulate imagination by reality, and instead of thinking how things may be, to see them as they really are." - Samuel Johnson

"Listen: we are here on earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you an different!" - Kurt Vonnegut

The party I traveled with was such a positive force on me and everything and everyone else we encountered. Yeah we got "lost", but we were never really lost. The decisions you make and your attitude and approach towards a situation will get you much farther than you think, and is much better than trying to force a situation or "manufacturing" fun.

We found ourselves giving hugs to people we met only a day ago, grills reopening just to make us a couple of sandwiches, services with a smile from fellow brothers and sisters, and freebees which came out of nowhere, extreme luck with the law/police and et cetera.
"Be yourself"... that's really it... but those two words are saying a lot.

Our "camp" we set up as we prepared to sleep on the beach under one of the clearest skies in recent memory

Horses!

We did make some stupid moves.. like sleeping under huge power lines.. intoxicated..
But it was a great road trip overall, capped with a meeting with nuclear physicists and author Thomas Campbell. I hope to see him again, under more casual conditions.

That's it, that's my blog entry... just more adventures, these just happen to be more external than others of late.

I know I don't describe them in detail, but I like sharing stories in person if anything at all.

Andrew as Chauncey Clearwater

Jess checking out local news and events

Joey getting "ICED" as we celebrated his birthday on the road...


The unreal never is: the Real never is not. This truth indeed has been seen by those who can see the true. - The Bhagavad Gita

Scope eludes my grasp, there is no finality of vision,
... tomorrow a new walk is a new walk. - A.R. Ammons

"People say that what we are all seeking is a meaning for life. I don't think this is what we're really seeking. I think what we're seeking is an experience of being alive." - Joseph Campbell

Road Trip Kavacasts

We did two kavacast while on the road trip. One in Philadelphia with Phillip Tribe and Kramer and the other one in Pittsburgh with Jess Kowal.

Unfortunately we decided only to publish the latter for the first one was a little bit of a mess... it will be chronicled later as a lost kavacast episode.

Here's Kavacast 6 with Jess Kowal at the Sphinx hookah lounge on the south side of Pitt:
Kavacast 6

And here's an audio only Kavacast 7 done on the fly with special guest Adam.
Kavacast 7
Disclaimer: It's brotastic.

More pictures, video, media in general to come soon.

A duck that came up to us in Pitt.
Spoiled thing...

Charlotte

We got into Charlotte (Matthews), NC yesterday afternoon and now were waking up for the Thomas Campbell Q & A taking place in about 30-40 min. It's been a great road trip so far. The people I'm meeting here are a little different from what I expected My Big TOE readers to be but that's perfectly okay with me. We'll see how today goes and what we can learn from it.

That said it feels great to be in a hotel after sleeping in the car for 2 nights. I hope to post an entry that retells the whole trip and what I personally learned from it.

Here's a picture of Myrtle Beach where we were just a day or two ago. The rest will be in the next (few) posts.

Maybe we can make a Kavacast out of the question and answer session with Tom, who knows?

Road Trip Update

We left on Friday and it is now Wednesday. We have hit up Philly and Pitt, Pennsylvania, and right now I'm typing from Harrisonburg in Virginia.

Philly

Philly was awesome. Maybe it was the nice weather but I got such a warm and welcoming vibe from that city. Everyone was friendly and helpful and on the same team. This was central Philly mostly but I could definitely have spent much more time there.

Andrew and I mostly wandered and had the best of luck doing whatever we wanted to do. Joey took some camera shots and got a great idea of what and how the businesses work around there.

Well were off to Richmond so I can't finish the post but more later

Dispel

To be under a spell is to be enamored by an illusion.
You are transfixed and you let the trick trick.

To dispel the illusion is too see past it.
You still see it, but for what it truly is

Your perception changes back
And you find your center once again

To lose your illusion
is to know the magician's secret

_____

Without further ado: Reality

Kavacast 4 aka Drunkast

The five of us were really silly with alcohol.  Andrew chimes in through the chat... 

So technically all six of us were there and it was a mess haha. 

The Ustream is cut a little short so if you want to hear the Hookah Jam at the end then listen to the audio version.

Enjoy.  Here it is: Kavacast 4

Claw Machine Victory

There is a certain someone out there who I needed to prove that I can go back to the claw machine anytime and pwn. Even though I've been retired for a couple years, it's like riding a bicycle.

Enjoy... Sorry for the bad camera angle, I wasn't really focusing on keeping the camera up.

KaLIEdoscope Eyes for the Kaleidoscope Eyes

"I see the world through ideas."

"Well I see the world through patterns."

"... I see the world through relationships... and interactions."

"Everything is just a metaphor, that's how I see it."

"I see everything as an expression."

"I see the world through music and sound."

"Why not see it through colors?"

"I see it as dance, as movement."

"It's obviously all a drama, a play, a stage... a game."

"I see it through harmony and discord."

"Death and rebirth... blooming and wilting are how the universe operates."

"I see it through sex... eroticism."

I SEE THE WORLD AS IT IS... THAT IS TO SAY - I SEE.

IF YOU WOULD PUT DOWN YOUR GLASSES, YOUR MICROSCOPES, TELESCOPES, BINOCULARS, FILTERS AND FILM... YOU MIGHT ALL SEE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE SAME THING.

BUT NOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT KALEIDOSCOPES AND COLORED GLASSES ARE FOR FUN,

YOU MAY PUT THEM BACK ON AND GET THE FUN DONE.

PLAY, TRADE AND TRY NEW AND UNKNOWN PERSPECTIVES,

THE FUN IS PRETENDING YOU ARE A DETECTIVE.

JUST REMEMBER WHEN YOU GET PISSED OFF

THAT JUST AS EASILY, THE GLASSES COME OFF

"I see life as all second chances."

"I see the world as great potential."

"I see the world with LOVE."

Kavacast 3

Another kavacast with me, Joey and Carlos... I know it seems we are pumping these out... because we are.

This is a really great one though I feel, slow to begin and accelerates towards the end.

Enjoy, here's the link: Kavacast 3

We did it last night and were unaware of the earthquake in Japan at the time. Not that it makes a difference but we would have liked to have talked about it. We're pulling for you Japan.

Working on it & Kavacast 2

The unknown.
Uncertainty.

Fighting them makes them negative.
Riding them makes them a wonderful surprise.

Fearing them acknowledges them.
Embracing them dissolves them back to nothing.

Can I let go?
Can I just go with it?

God I hope so.
God I know so.

----------------

Here's the link to the latest kavacast with Joey, Andrew and myself at Mediterranean Cafe in New Haven.

Kavacast 2

Kavacast I

Some of my friends and I have started a podcasts. We also got twitters. My new twitter account/name/tag/whatever is @baboonbafoon. You can see a widget for it to the right.

Here is the podcast.

Kavacast I.

From the website you should be able to go our blogs and our twitter accounts.
We are still working on it, people are still setting up accounts, we are all still getting linked and connected to each other, so it is a work in progress.

If any of you have feedback/suggestions, please let one of us know by a comment, email, or tweet. Thanks.

Amnesia

Amnesia could be fun.
Just so long as I could find myself back.
..But what is really lost in amnesia?
Can I really lose myself?
What is myself?

In asking comes my answer.
I think I already decided to self induce my amnesia..
And now I am finding myself again.
This time with a different story.
This time with a smile.

Daddy Come Home

I had mentioned this blog to my dad at the dinner table last night. He said to share the link with him.

As of recently we don't really get along. But I intend for it to get better one day at a time.

What this blog is, is an expression, an extension, a by product of me and my life. You may never ever be able to pinpoint who I am as a person (especially if I can't) but you can see the effects of me and my life through what I touch.

Because of the nature and format of this blog, it also serves as a chronicle of my growth, for change is growth in one direction of another.

So, this is what I did this morning...

This is some 2D/3D art that might be a little hard to appreciate though a picture but it's entitled "Have you ever had this feeling before? Me either."

And this is a picture of a part of my wall

Just some fun shapes I cut our from canvas board (really hard to cut with scissors) that can be rearranged... again the 3D part doesn't get captured by the picture.

The lessons I learned in doing these projects are subtle yet everything. What I learned was self knowledge/experience. Moving the brush, rearranging shapes, mixing colors... these are all experimentation, discovering, aligning, playing, expressing, they are everything.

Thermodynamics 101

Simplicity easily touches what is real
Simplicity does not forget basicality
Simplicity is therefore divine

Dazzling beauty derives its wonder
From this simplicity, and compounds
Itself on itself through itself to create

Creation animated by love has no bounds
Complexity one with simplicity is elegant
Systems of elegance are natural and naturally beautiful

To simplify is to hack away at the unneeded
To simplify is to unify in understanding
To simplify is to not have to make a long poem

Facebook Deja Vu

This is a poem I posted on Facebook yesterday. Since I have nothing else to post.. here it is.
It is heavily influenced by Alan Watts and John Lennon. I don't really feel it's mine as much as it is theirs.

Sometimes you know something is true
But then.. you have to tell yourself it's true
Hoping that if you tell yourself.. it will be different
But the world goes on regardless of what you tell yourself
And that funny feeling: that you can have can have it
By admitting you can't have it it... is fear my friend

One must not say to oneself, to let go of breath to breath
One simply has to let go, and breath will come naturally
You can only breath in by breathing out
You can only find security of being insecure
Can only float if you try to sink
Don't fight it, don't hold your breath

Let the waters curve you
In the same way you curve the waters
Suddenly you realize you are the water
With the capacity to realize
And therefore the capacity to know bliss

Then you touch her
In the same way she touches you
And then you realize there is nothing that isn't water
And when water is one.. really one
Well then we'll get things done... like they've never been done

Transitionfixed

22 years have led up to the pocket of events that surround me in time right now.
It happens so every often, to everyone. Some people call it crossroads.
Where a critical point is reached and a decision is placed upon you.
Minor or major, these points can't be avoided.
Sooner or later, you have to ask the questions you didn't answer yesterday.

I thought on the bus:
"What do I want?"
"What do I want to see happen?"
"... I just want to see."

What that means to me, is mine and mine alone, save for everyone.

A statue in Worcester I saw this past weekend.

So what does that meaning mean to me and the rest of the world?
That is something I have to unfold as time flows.

I need to be truthful to myself, no more bullshit Chris. Don't run away, run to embrace.
As you make your choices Chris, you won't be able to keep you safe little world intact.
You have to shed your old ways, they can't contain you anymore, only suffocate.

I'm gonna post some old Facebook graffitis. It says peace... I think

The universe is in a constant "state" of flux. Bonds break and reform in different configurations. Relationships are now pushing what a relation is defined as. Relationships are becoming more and more of creation. Many stories before me have been written, are still being written, will continue to be written. It's time I pick up the pen myself.. Though I've always liked marker better, colored markers.

Ryu vs. Ken from Street Fighter.

The Blue Bomber

So as you can tell from the dialogue between myself, I'm in the middle of some sort of shift. This week, if I don't give in and sleep in, should be a very interesting week for me.

In terms of the blog, I thought I would use this entry as a journal or something. And I am working on a painting which I will post when its done.

Wait, one more thing before you go Chris. Remember transformation, like happiness, is only real and complete when shared (Thank you "Into the Wild"). It goes full circle and everything is connected.

Strive for freedom and happiness but know its already here - right now.